Wish you could press the reset button on your brain and start again? Believe me you can and it’s never too late for a fresh start.
It begins when we are born, humans are like sponges. We observe and soak up every bit of information about our environment. We imitate. We start to learn what makes our parents smile with approval or frown with displeasure. This is how we learn to become valid members of society. The question is, where does our learnt behaviour end and our true personality begin?
Then as we get older, the seeds are planted to achieve. Teachers and family ask you what you want to do or be when you grow up. The pressure has started already.
Then it’s college, further education. Your career. As women, we have to pause to think about settling down with a partner, having children, getting a balance of it all. Luckily I see things changing now. Women have the chance to do things differently. New possibilities have opened up. Thank God.
But I am of the old school. I never stopped looking to the people around me for validation of the things I did or said. Even now I still feel as pleased as punch when someone praises me for something I have done and take it as a personal attack if they give me some criticism, even if its the helpful type.
Also there was pressure. To go into college, to go into a career, to have children. So there I was, almost 50, childless and still not knowing what I wanted to be when I grew up. The childless thing was not a choice, it just never happened. The career thing, I’ve loved so many subjects and done so many things in my life. One interesting subject would lead to another and I couldn’t do the same thing for too long it bored me.
The thing was, I was feeling like a failure. The nagging voice was telling me that this wasn’t good enough but where did that come from? Who was talking? Me or society?
It was then that I decided to wipe away all of this old conditioning. To get rid of a mind set that holds me back, keeps me experiencing the same bad situations over and over again and keeps me stuck. To learn new habits and new ways of thought. To reset my brain.
- Stay still. Don’t be afraid to do nothing. Instead of rushing on to the next thing or project. Or worrying over problems in your head. Pause. listen to your surroundings, see the colours around you. Feel what’s under your fingertips. Take a deep breath. Sometimes you do not need to be going in a forward momentum. Your mind and thinking will be clearer. Maybe a solution will come to you for that problem, maybe it won’t. It doesn’t matter. (I have written a stillness post here)
- Take responsibility. Whatever wounds from your past that others have created you have to acknowledge. If you are letting them affect you years on down the line you are responsible for that. You have to be the one to say no more and create a new reality for yourself. If someone has hurt you in the past, don’t keep reliving it. It’s almost like they are hurting you again and again. Don’t let this happen. You are now the captain of your ship. Steer it towards happiness. Don’t let any one take that control away from you!
- Change it or let it go. Would you hold onto clothes that no longer fit you? No that’s a bad example, I know the answer to that one. My point is, if something is no longer serving a purpose, change it for something that can work. A habit, a way of thinking may have been right a decade ago but is it valid now? It could be holding you back. If you have been doing something the same way all of your life and it’s not working, let it go. If you are in a relationship that makes you feel sad more than it makes you feel happy, let it go. If you are surrounded by people who drain you, let them go. You get the picture. Having the guts to do it is the hardest thing. It takes strength. Think of it like ripping off a plaster (I don’t mean to sound glib here) It will hurt and it will feel raw but believe me, you will be miles happier for it. You shouldn’t be holding on to anything that makes you unhappy for one moment longer. What are you going to regret more, that you held on to a bad situation, or that you let it go? We were put on this earth to be happy. Do not let anyone or anything steal it from you.
- Bless the little things. What have you got that’s good? Health, family, friends, support, a winning personality, a nice warm bed. The cup is half full my friends and you need to be thankful continuously for these little things. It’s these little things that add up to contentment in life. When you have contentment, you are experiencing a great big chunk of what life is about.
- Change your outlook. If you cannot change what you have, change your outlook on it. We all need to do things in life that are necessary and not exactly what we would want to be doing in an ideal world. But is it possible that we can change our view on it? Can we put some fresh energy, enthusiasm, ideas? Making the people around us happier and glad they came in to your space today?
- Reinvent yourself It is never too late. 90 year olds are finishing law degrees. Look on the internet, there are older people doing amazing things. Wang Deshun is an 80 year old artist and actor. He learnt English at 44, started working out at 50, horse ride at 65, motorbike at 78 and at 79 became a catwalk model. Also Bodhi Hannah Kistner who started in a completely different direction in her 60s (Her story here). There are hundreds of examples like this to inspire you. Recapture that spirit of ‘what do I want to be when I grow up?’ and if its still wanting to be a princess who’s to stop you.
- Experiment. Now, more than ever you have an opportunity to find out what you really enjoy doing. There doesn’t have to be an end game. Try things you’ve always fancied but never had the guts or opportunity to do. Take a course, maybe you never liked school but that’s because you were forced to, now you have a choice. Living is learning. Do things you haven’t done in ages and loved. Get the body filled with laughter, lightness, adrenaline and passion. You will find more of your true personality from it.
- Be flexible. Be like water. You know what water does? If it’s flowing downstream and encounters a huge boulder, it goes around it. Goals are very important, they keep you moving forward, they help you to grow. However life, very often does not work out like planned. Things change or set out to block your way. Instead, look at things another way. How can you make the most of this? Can I achieve the same goal differently. Was the goal right in the first place and do I need to move the goalposts?
- Enjoy the ride. Its difficult at first but with everything you do, try and be conscious of doing it. Observe the process, the actions, don’t rush through things to get them done. Be conscious of and enjoy the journey. You will do a better job and you are living in the moment. This is what life is about. Don’t let time fly too fast!
Come on Buttoneers. Why do you need a reset? Have you done it already? Can we get some inspiration from you? Let us know below.